FIRST MAN ON THE MOON

(THE) FIRST MAN ON THE MOON

by

Matt McGinn

LBJ called in his men

Says he, ‘If we don’t move soon

These Moscovites will be the first

To put a man upon the moon, moon

To put a man upon the moon’

Up there spoke a wise old man

And a wise old man was he

‘Though the rockets aren’t ready yet

We could fire him fae a tree, tree

We could fire him fae a tree’

They brought the man to the launching pad

They filled him up wi rum

Then LBJ, he cut the string

And sent him to kingdom come, come

He sent him to kingdom come

He spent a day on Mercury

And fifteen cents on Mars

He put the flag of the stars and stripes

On each of all the stars, stars

On each of all the stars

A month came along and a month went by

And he landed on the moon

And his very first words when he landed were,

‘How the hell am I gonnie get doon, doon?’

‘How the hell am I gonnie get doon?’

They tried a rope and a bosun’s chair

A kite and a big balloon

They began to toy wi a breeches buoy

But they couldnae bring him doon, doon

No, they couldnae bring him doon

The moonman climbed to the other side

And it filled him wi alarm

For there in valley of the deep green cheese

He found a collective farm, farm

He found a collective farm

When he was seen by the commissar

He told such a pitiful tale

Says he, ‘You can send this man back doon

Wi the morra morning’s mail, mail

Wi the morra morning’s mail’