HI JACK

HI JACK

by

Matt McGinn

‘Hi Jack,’ the navigator greeted me

‘Hi Jack,’ the pilot said the same

Hi Jack, the friendly way they treated me

I simply couldn’t wait to get aboard that plane

London to Glasgow isn’t very far at all

But I was in a hurry, decided I would fly

But from the very moment I got into the booking hall

The only thing that I could hear was, ‘Hi’

‘Hi Jack,’ the navigator greeted me

‘Hi Jack,’ the pilot said the same

Hi Jack, the friendly way they treated me

I simply couldn’t wait to get aboard that plane

‘I hope,’ says I to a lady in a macintosh

‘When we get to Glasgow, the weather isn’t bleak’

Says she, ‘Have a word with the long range weatherman

You won’t be seeing Glasgow any time this week’

She says, ‘Hi Jack, we’re turning left at Birmingham’

‘Hi Jack,’ she was speaking very plain

‘Sorry,’ says she, ‘if it causes any bother

But I have a date in Cuba with a sugar cane’

Fidel Castro met us in Havana

Fidel couldn’t have been nicer to a toff

Rum and coffee and a lovely big banana

Then quick as a flick, he gave us a kick

And says, ‘Buzz off!’

‘Right’, says the pilot, ‘we’re on our way to Glasgow

By this evening, you’ll be sitting in your home’

But these kind words were quickly contradicted

By a north American gent with a homemade bomb

Hi Jack, we landed in Miami

I could hear Sammy Davis Junior sing

Hi Jack, we took aboard a laundryman

But he could only say, ‘Hi Jack, Peking!’

From Peking we travelled on to Moscow

At the request of a commissar

There we met a little Orangeman

Who wanted to go to Belfast but he had no car

From Belfast, we travelled on to Dublin

We arrived there just the other day

Now they’ve told us they’re sending us to Israel

Unless we sign as members of the I.R.A

‘Hi Jack,’ the navigator greeted me

‘Hi Jack,’ the pilot said the same

Hi Jack, the friendly way they treated me

I simply couldn’t wait to get aboard that plane