NELLY MAY

NELLY MAY

Matt McGinn

I'll tell you the story of big Nelly May

She took up the golf in a serious way

With her shiny new clubs and her big plastic bag

She could easily have passed for Jack Nicklaus in drag

Wi a tooralay-ooralay-ooralay-ay

Now Nelly was handicapped more than the rest

Her stroke was impaired by the size of her chest

Her over development proved her downfall

When she swung, they both swung, and all missed the ball

Tooralay-ooralay-ooralay-ay

Now, Nelly decided they hampered her scope

She tethered them up with a big piece of rope

But they didn’t like being tied up in a noose

And the very next stroke, both the rascals were loose

With a tooralay-ooralay-ooralay-ay

In sheer desperation, she turned to the Pro

Who looked at poor Nell and said, ‘Ach, I don't know

I've only seen two that look like yours do

And they were on a camel in Calderpark Zoo’

With a tooralay-ooralay-ooralay-ay

This pointed remark at the poor girl's physique

Made Nelly lash out in a great fit of pique

Her blow caught the Pro in his most cherished spot

Now he's got two just as big as she's got

Tooralay-ooralay-ooralay-ay

Keep your heads down, boys, and hammer away