THE BIG GLASGOW POLIS
by
Matt McGinn
Nya, nya, nya
Wi my handcuffs and my truncheon, my whistle and my book
I'm the scourge of all the criminals, the terror of the crook
Upon my feet you'll always find a pair of size eighteens
I'm the finest Glasgow polisman that you have ever seen
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
I was working in the Heilands, picking totties, making tweed
Some whisky and some poaching, to put jam upon my breid
My cousin, Bobby, says to me, 'Come on, we're wastin time
We’ll join the Glasgow polis force and put an end to crime.'
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
One night when I was on my beat quite lonely by myself
I met a Glasgow lady, she was on her beat as well
She asked me for the time, I obliged her with a snort
Although, I must confess, the time she asked was very short
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
Now the Glasgow polis force, it is acutely short of staff
If I tell to you the reason, it'll maybe make some of you laugh
Last night for breaking into shops up in the Gallowgate
They arrested seven criminals, one of them was my mate
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
They've given me another mate, he's one of the finest men
And he and me went out today upon the 2 to 10
We'd scarcely left the station, when he threw away his butt
He says lend me 20 Capstan, lad, until the shops are shut
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
Now if ever you’re in trouble and you dial 999
And the operator tells you, 'You should try another line.'
The line to try is some of the pubs, the Scotia or the Bowers
It’s there you're sure to find me, lads, especially after hours
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya
Wi my handcuffs and my truncheon, my whistle and my book
I'm the scourge of all the criminals, the terror of the crook
Upon my feet you'll always find a pair of size eighteens
I'm the finest Glasgow polisman that you have ever seen
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya