THE TWO HEIDED MAN MEDLEY

THE TWO HEIDED MAN

by

Matt McGinn

The case of the mistaken identity of the two heided man……………

A bunch of the girls were scoffing it off

In the Saracen Heid Saloon

The kid that handled their music box

Was playing an old Scotch tune

Back of the bar as drunk as a lord

Stood Dangerous Dan McLuskey

Eyeing up all the birds that were there

And pouring them short-measured whisky

When out of the night a two heided man

Wi a claw for a haun stumbled in

He pulled a razor out of his coat and says

‘Right, where is... the twin?’

The lassies all fainted and big Danny fled

To fetch the Black Maria van

Joe the Bull sipped up his beer and says

‘Don’t tell me there is another wan’

Well, the two heided man was insulted

And he told Joe the Bull tae chuck it

Joe bought him two pints of beer

And he put his razor back in his pocket

Dangerous Dan was two minutes away

And he came back with a van

The polis came rushing right intae the place

They were efter the two heided man

Well, the two heided man made a statement

And the polis, they made a note of it

Then the two heided man was stuck up against

Two copies of Bible John’s photokit

The polis were lifting the two heided man

And Joe the Bull showed their stupidity

He was able to prove to the polis, it was

A case of mistaken identity